Retirement home for well-loved stuffies.

Location: 14th Street between 5th and 6th Avenues

My friend K just sent me a link to this video:

Best comedy video ever. Right?

Wrong. It’s real.

www.shakeweight.com

Do you guys know what trichotillomania is? It’s been in the media lately so maybe you’ve heard of it. For example, Tom, Kathy Griffin’s assistant has it. There was also an intense and totally grody episode of “Obsessed,” about a woman who had it.

From www.abcnews.com.

According to Google Health, “Trichotillomania is hair loss caused by compulsive pulling or twisting of the hair until it breaks off.” Symptoms are:

• An uneven appearance to the hair
• Bare patches or all around (diffuse) loss of hair
• Bowel blockage (obstruction) if people eat the hair they pull out
• Constant tugging, pulling, or twisting of hair
• Denying the hair pulling
• Hair regrowth that feels like stubble in the bare spots
• Increasing sense of tension before the hair pulling
• Other self-injury behaviors
• Sense of relief, pleasure, or gratification after the hair pulling

So, why all the talk about trichotillomania? Because we’ve had an outbreak of it at our house.

Chulo’s always been a nervous dog. Ever since we rescued his pitiful ass from the streets of Queens, he’s displayed neurotic behaviors. He’s got a thing about pacing and whining with favorite toys in his mouth. He’s scared of wind and plastic bags. But he was an abused dog who was homeless in New York City for who knows how long so we’ve just accepted that he has some quirks and try to work with him. However, this trichotillomania thing has taken it too far.

Last night I didn’t sleep for more than two hours because of this:

Around three o’clock this morning I awoke to a, “Slurrrrrrrp, smack! Slurrrrrp, smack!,” loop coming from the dog bed. Using my iPhone as a flashlight I found Chulo lying on his side, toes and nose in a big wet spot. His front paws were in prayer position and you could see his tongue darting out between them as he laid there licking and pulling contentedly at the hair on his front right foot.

See his left foot? That’s what his right one looked like before we went to bed. The butt issue he has has been around for a while. Usually around mid-Summer Chulo will begin to attack his back haunch and before long we end up with a Bichon with a bald spot on his ass. What sucks about it, besides the obvious discomfort to Chulo and the worrying Erica and I do in our attempts to prevent it, is that it’s embarrassing. When we walk him around the neighborhood people ask what’s wrong with him. We end up in conversations about hot spots and cones and dermatological creams and it’s time consuming and we look like we’re bad parents and it sucks. However, he tends to chew his butt when we’re not around. This foot thing has become a nighttime ritual. It started as simply licking, sans hair pulling. A few pokes and one or two, “Stop it!”’s would usually calm him down. But last night, my little man was on a mission.

Sleepless hours went by, “Slurrrrrrp, smack! Slurrrrrrrp, smack!” Every once in a while I tried the poking/”Stop it!” method, but the little bastard would growl ferociously causing Erica (who has a real job and has to be up at a normal morning hour) to wake up and growl incoherently herself. After being growled at him to the bathroom sink and tried to wash off any offending matter he may have been trying to get at. I checked for fleas, splinters, crumbs … anything that might be causing him to be so dedicated in his pursuit of foot licking. We went back to bed and he was finally quiet.

For about three minutes.

“Slurrrrrrrrrp, smack! Slurrrrrrrrrp, smack!” I wrestled him back out of his bed. He growled, Erica growled and I think I may have whimpered in frustration and exhaustion. But I got him and I fought his ass until I had him pinned in a full-Nelson with his slimy little paws trapped in my hand. He growled, Erica growled. He struggled and groaned for a little bit, then finally, at last, mercifully … there was silence.

Then … there was Erica’s alarm.