Passion for Glory
When I picked the guitar up, I felt this wave of emotions overtake my mind … guilt, dread, defeat. I knew I should drop it, walk away. I hated it, but I wanted it. Inside my head I heard her strong, persuasive voice urging me on. I call her Sassy.
Come on, Susan. Let’s do it.
And in a whisper that crescendoed into a deafening scream, I she began singing:
Dug dug-ahh, dug dug-ah, dug dug-ah, dug dug-ah, dug dug-ah, dug dug-ah, dug dug-ah, dug dug-ah.
DUN! Dun dun dun!
Dun dun dun!
DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNN!
I thought, “I bet this is how Shifty felt when he started his last bender.”
My left hand is a claw and my right shoulder is temporarily (I hope) frozen into position. My fingers are pruny even though I haven’t bathed for two days. For the last week, with the exception of two bartending shifts, making dinner a couple of times and watching Sober House, I have been on the couch playing Rock Band 2. Our best song is, “Eye of the Tiger.”
I say “our” to refer to my band, southern discomforts. Sassy, my obsessive, power hungry alter-ego, is their lead guitarist. We‘ve made over two million dollars touring North America, Asia, Europe and Australia. We’ve earned roadies, tour busses, private planes. Sassy has a closet full of clothes and shoes.
Just yesterday we were dubbed, “Immortal Rock Gods,” by Rolling Stone Magazine.
You’d think that would be enough for a video game rock band. But it’s not. Not for Sassy. She needs more. With every accomplishment or award she gains, she learns that there is yet a higher achievement to make. Won a tour bus? Great! Now you can play for the RV. Earned two kids to put up posters and hand out fliers? Awesome. Have you met Lurlene? Lurlene is a professional publicist who can provide more opportunities than you can imagine.
It’s maddening. I haven’t been out, I haven’t been productive, haven’t written, haven’t talked to anyone … found myself crossing my legs trying not to pee on myself so that I could make it through the solo on “Mississippi Queen.”
I exaggerate a bit (except for the leg crossing — that really happened) but truly. I have a problem. My left thumb is swollen and I’m typing at half speed because of the pain in my wrists. Thank Smoking Baby the game’s a loaner. I borrowed it from my neighbor last week under the guise of wanting to cheer up a recently laid-off friend. I did think my friend would like it, but let’s be honest. I’ve been plotting to get my hands on that game since I discovered they had it about four months ago.
Today, it’s going back.
As soon as I got up this morning, I started taking everything apart. I dismantled the drum kit, unplugged the microphone, found the cases for the discs. I packed things away into the duffel bag; the drum pedal, the sticks, the Fender. I got down to just the game system (with the disc still in it) and Sassy’s guitar. I picked the guitar up and approached the X-Box with every intention of unplugging it.
Then she started, “Dug dug-ahh, dug dug-ah, dug …”
And I thought, ”I bet this is how Shifty felt when he started his last bender.”
March 20th, 2009 at 12:19 am
it’s the
eye of the tiger
it’s the
thrill of the fight
rising up
to the challenge
of our rivals
and the last known survivor
stalks his prey in the night
and he’s watching us all
with the eye
of the tiger
ahhh. the glory days.
March 22nd, 2009 at 10:49 am
In your honor I will belt out Mississippi Queen each time I pee today! So you know: I plan on peeing a lot!