All this and more!
I’ve only been up for two hours today and already I have so much to tell you! I have several stories, two involving dog pee, and pictures to go with almost everything. Yay! Ok … here goes. Picture one:
Chulo has some foul breath and rank plaque on his little teeth so we’re having them cleaned. Seems simple enough, right? No. Actually, it’s an involved, time consuming, expensive series of events. Since we made the decision to get Chulo’s teeth cleaned he has has been to the vet three times, Erica and I have spent over $500 and so far his teeth and breath are in the exact same condition. Well, not exact, his breath now has the added aroma of the fish oil supplement they’ve added to his diet to avoid trouble during this year’s hot spot/butt chewing season. What does that have to do with cleaning his teeth? I don’t know, but there it is. Now, in order to get one’s dog’s teeth cleaned, you have to have him anesthetized. Before you can do that, you have to make sure he is healthy enough to undergo the procedure.
Visit one: Checkup, including the butt thermometer, followed by blood work which caused gnarly hematoma on his little doggy neck. Visit two: Pick up allergy oil, add a biopsy to the tooth cleaning procedure for a little lump behind his right ear. Visit three: re-schedule his surgery/dental visit so that I can be home with him for his recovery. Then we got a call letting us know that his blood work was fine, with one relatively minor exception.
That’s when we scheduled visit four AKA “Drop off Urine Sample.” First pee of the morning, please.
Today after my first pee, I grabbed a small plastic bowl and carried Chulo into the backyard. It rained last night and the yard was wet so, of course, the little prince was not interested in going potty. This meant that in addition to trailing him with my plastic bowl at the ready, I was forced to call attention to myself with my high-pitched, faux-excited doggy voice. “Go potty! Come on Chulo! Let’s potty! Pahhh-tee! Come on! You can do it! Pahhh-tee!” Finally he squatted and I collected a sample. As I was putting the lid on I realized, “I love this little bowl.”
So I transferred the pee into a Ziploc, double bagged it and rinsed out the bowl with super hot water. Good as new. (Erica, who will be reading this, will immediately want to know which bowl I used. And I will never tell.) I dropped the Ziploc into my purse and Chulo and I headed out to drop it off. On our way we ran into Nick.
Nick is a little bichon who hangs out at a salon down the street. He is in love with Chulo and whenever he sees us walk by, he cries so that his mom will bring him out to visit. When I realized that we were going to chat for a while, I took Chulo off the leash and we let the two dogs run around on the sidewalk together for a little bit. Instantly Chulo started the Pee-Off. As soon as he was done, Nick got into position and started to pee. Then, I swear to you, mid-stream Nick lifted both of his hind legs above his and walked away on his front paws. Being practically mid-stream myself, I didn’t think to take a picture. He kept doing it over and over and I probably couldn’t have gotten a decent shot even if I had thought of it. But I did find a You Tube video of another dog doing the same thing. I wonder if we could train Chulo to do it.
OH! I intended to write these events in chronological order and I forgot one, hugely important, exciting thing. After collecting the pee and before seeing Nick, I checked the mail.
Shut. Up.
“… we encourage you to take the next step toward membership.” How you like me now? I am so on my way. Mission to Mensa, Step Three? Check.
After dropping off the pee, Chulo and I continued our walk I discovered yet another dead animal on the sidewalks of my neighborhood right next to a truck that is to be featured in the next, “Why I Love Brooklyn.”
And then. The best of all was a two minute phone call to 826NYC in which I purchased tickets to this:
Who’s that playing war? Oh … yeah.
That’s right. I told you I was going to meet her, I took steps to meet her, I have stayed ever vigilant and true to my goal of meeting her, and now I am going to kick her ass in war. Plus … playing blackjack with Ira Glass? He’s the big red bow on the best gift ever!
April 22nd, 2009 at 11:22 am
Hot Damn! Everything’s coming up Susan!
April 22nd, 2009 at 2:46 pm
what bowl!?!
April 28th, 2009 at 9:55 am
Hey Susan: After joining Twitter I found you and your website. OMG I have been reading it all morning and I have work to do! You crack me up. I love your writing style and if you ever publish a book, I’m definitely on your fan list. Say “Hey” to Erica for me. (In case you don’t immediately recognize who this is, it’s Jon’s ex-girlfriend.) K.
April 28th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Hey Kathy! Thanks so much for the compliment … I’ve really got to be more diligent about that Twitter thing. I think I last updated about a month ago. I’ll tell Erica hi for you. Hope you’re doing well!
S
May 9th, 2009 at 9:50 am
i’m going to assume that fist fucking is still not a form of safe sex…..there must be a story here!