On Not Being Smarter Than a Fifth Grader.
I know. I missed a day. But what a day it was … I started out the morning catching up on the The Daily Show and The Colbert Report episodes from inauguration night. (”When we can rise above the minutiae of fuschia …”) Then it was off to my first day of tutoring at 826NYC!
I was really nervous going in. The staff at 826NYC don’t really give you a lot of preparation for tutoring. Last Monday’s orientation was basically a list of dates and events that they needed volunteers for, followed by the handing out of a list of “Don’t Do’s” for tutors. Don’t set up appointments with students outside of the center, don’t drive the students anywhere or go anywhere with them, don’t put them on your Facebook page, don’t dress like a whore. Those kinds of things. But there isn’t a lot of instruction on what you should do. You simply are assigned a schedule and it’s on. I arrived at 2:30 yesterday ready for my first session. I was excited but a little nervous. A staff member named Chris helped me out.
Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out. They come in and sit down with you and do their homework. If they need help on it, you help them. You’re not supposed to do their homework or anything like that. Oh. And no candy or sodas are allowed. It’s easy. Just pick a table and I’ll bring students over to you as they come in.
Gee. Thanks.
As I spotted my first student heading toward my table I heard another tutor behind me introduce herself to her student and ask, “So, what are you working on today?” Gabrielle sat down and I simply aped everything that was going on at the other table. “Hi. My name is Susan. What’s yours?”
“Gabrielle. I’m sick.”
“So, what are you working on today?”
She proceeded to unload piles of notebooks and pencils and a bag of chocolate chip cookies. (Do cookies qualify as candy? I decided to just let her have them.) Gabby, head full of mucus and constantly straining for a sneeze that just wouldn’t come, had science and math work to do. My favorite! (If you know me personally and have ever been in a situation where I had to deal with numbers of any sort, you have certainly heard me plea, “But, I was an English major. I don’t do math.”) I felt like I was on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” when Gabby asked me to explain what an integer was.
Isn’t ‘integer’ a synonym of ‘number’? Or is there something special about it? I flipped through her math book hoping to find the answer … “Here Gabby. Read this paragraph and it will explain it for you.” She rolled her eyes as if to say, “God. Why do I have to learn it for myself?” I took this as a good sign.
The second student I had sat down with her jelly bagel and pulled out a notebook. On the front, under “Alexis loves Edmond from Narnia”, was one word: Reading. Praise SmokingBaby. She was a fourth grader and her assignment was to describe, in her own words, fictional realism. I don’t think I was ever asked to describe fictional realism, and I did masters coursework in English Literature.
“I need you to help me. What should I write down?”
Crap. “What did your teacher tell you about fictional realism?”
“She told us that it’s a story that could happen but didn’t.”
“That sounds good. Why don’t you write that?”
Alexis made it through her paragraph — using a story about her marriage to Edmond of Narnia as an example. I explained that Edmond wasn’t really a person, he was a character in a movie, but she told me that what she meant was that she wanted to marry the actual guy who played Edmond, not Edmond the character — he’s way cuter than Prince Caspian. Here Gabby chimed in and said that she was going to marry Chris Brown and that Rhianna should know that Chris was hers first. We collectively decided that Chris was a two-timer who owed Gabby an apology. Later when Gabby went to clean the chocolate off of her fingers, Alexis leaned over, “She’s never going to marry Chris Brown. That’s fictional realism.”
As Alexis was putting on her coat, another staff member came over with a CD. ”Here’s your copy Alexis. You did a great job.”
After Obama won the election, 826 Valencia (the San Francisco home base of 826 National) started a project where they asked their kids to write letters to our new president. The idea took off, spread to the sister 826 tutoring centers and is now an official McSweeney’s publication. Alexis was chosen to read her letter for a spot on NPR’s This American Life.
Dear Barack Obama,
One thing you could fix is the economy. Something happened to me. I went out to lunch at Starbuck’s and I wanted to buy a cup of whipped cream. And normally it’s 43 cents but now it’s 74 cents. The price raised 31 cents for no reason! So you should probably try to change things like that from happening. You should keep an eye out for things like that. I wish you good luck!
PS - I love whipped cream.
Love,
Alexis Feliciano, Age 9, Brooklyn
As Alexis was packing her things into her Hannah Montana backpack while her grandmother waited impatiently, I said or did something that made her realize I was new to the center.
Oh? It’s your first day? Well, here are our sign out sheets. You put the time we come in and the time we leave in here and then you put it over there on the desk in that silver basket. See it? Tutoring starts at 3 but then at 5 we get to play games. They’re over there on the shelf. Everybody leaves at 5:30. I have to go early today. Bye!
Alexis, writer and lover of whipped cream, gave me more information in those 10 seconds than I had gotten from any of the actual 826NYC staff. I’m excited to work with her and Gabrielle (who I later found out is also a flautist at Julliard) and all of the other super cool, very smart kids who drop in to do their homework and write stories in the secret room behind the bookshelf at the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Co.
I have a feeling I’m going to learn a lot.
January 22nd, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I love your blogging! Knowing you as I do, I have to ask one question, how much of this story was fictional realism?
January 22nd, 2009 at 3:05 pm
Shut it Hayen.
(A little. But you know … ‘funny’ is more important than ‘true’. Alexis actually called Gabby out right in front of her. “You’re never going to marry Chris Brown.”)
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:15 pm
i know you lie sometimes, and it is for my own good…..you told me that once
what a great day!!!
January 22nd, 2009 at 5:35 pm
Can you believe I remembered? AND I was able to find your address without asking you again.
Enjoy the smooth skin.