One Coffee, Hold the Shame

If you’ve ever been to Miami, you’re most likely familiar with Calle Ocho. If not, you’ve at least heard the Pitbull song.

For those of you not in the know, Calle Ocho is a street that runs through the Little Havana area of Miami, a mainly Cuban community, and is my favorite place to get coffee while I’m in town. There’s a perfect shop not far from this big rooster statue where I usually stop because they have convenient parking and a walk-up window so you can get in and out quickly.

Or at least I think it’s this rooster statue. Those things are everywhere. Anyway, along with the random chicken sculptures, cafe con leche on Calle Ocho is pretty much the only thing that makes visiting Miami worthwhile. Unfortunately, it’s not always without incident.

Here’s how it went down the last time I was there:

Señorita Barista: Buenas días.

Me: Buenas días. Un cafe con leche, por favor.

Señorita Barista: ¿Con azúcar?

Me: No, gracias.

Señorita Barista smiles and turns to the coffee machine to make my drink. Success! I got the order right, I answered the follow up question, the espresso’s a brewin’ and I feel pretty proud of myself. That is until she comes back with my coffee.

Señorita Barista: Estediaetudiavanestoyvacastueyotrabajabablablabla.

Me: Lo siento, no hablo español.

When I say I can’t speak Spanish, Señorita Barista grimaces and shoves my coffee at me with a harumph-ity, “Dos pesos.” No longer proud of myself, I mumble, in a clearly American accent, “Gracias,” and hand over two dollars (while being pretty sure the coffee should have only cost one). Feeling deflated, I slink away to enjoy the deliciousness of my cafe con leche and the sting of my shame in the safety of my rental car.
Now, is it me, or was she being totally obnoxious? The way I see it, she had taken a job selling coffee in Florida; she really should have foreseen the possibility of encountering an English-speaking customer and worked out any issues she might have with that long before I showed up.In fact, as far as I am concerned, I held up my side of the conversation muy bien, muchas gracias.

Now, don’t take any of this to mean that I am implying any sentiment about immigration or immigrants or even English fluency for non-native speakers who have moved here. Hell, as far as I know, she could have been born in Des Moines and had some sort of Spanish chip on her shoulder from her AP class in high school. My point is, I am not of the mind that if a non-English speaker moves to America from another country (or from Iowa) that they should be forced to learn the language.

This woman was working at a coffee shop as the server at a walk up window … in America. Sure, she was in an area with a high concentration of Spanish-speaking people, but still. I shouldn’t be made out to be an asshole because she wanted to get chatty and I couldn’t participate.

The truth is, Señorita Barista, I was kind of done with our interaction after I told you I didn’t want sugar, puta.

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13 Responses to “One Coffee, Hold the Shame”

  • Heather Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 8:46 am

    “pretty much the only thing that makes visiting Miami worthwhile”

    Ahem!

  • Heather Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 8:47 am

    (Also, asking for a Cuban coffee without sugar is like asking for pasta without sauce in Italy)

  • admin Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 9:13 am

    Listen, missy. You’ve been down there for about 14 hours now. You don’t count as a reason to visit the sweltering conga line that is Miami.

    “Asking for a Cuban coffee without sugar is like asking for pasta without sauce in Italy.” Is that a translation of, “Estediaetudiavanestoyvacastueyotrabajabablablabla”?

  • EdC Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 10:14 am

    The extra dollar was for the sugar you didn’t want…the next guy probably paid $0.50 for his cup.

  • admin Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 11:10 am

    SEE? Miami … ugh.

  • Cutty Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 11:31 am

    hahahahahaaaaaa Heather nailed that sugar issue. The graceful response is always “Mas despacio,” then you lettin’ her know you down to try but don’t have so much in the way of skills de español. And you can slide away….
    I mean, you DID have to go out of your way to get to the spanish-language coffee shop…

    gosh, when was the last time i dared disagree with you? :)

  • admin Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 11:51 am

    Quite brave of you, Young Dragon. But, honestly, if there were some rule about always having sugar in Cuban coffee, why would she have given me the option?

    And some other things: 1. I didn’t go to the coffee shop for the conversation. 2. What coffee shop in Miami isn’t Spanish-speaking?

    If I had known the graceful response, I most certainly would have used it, but I DON’T SPEAK SPANISH.

  • Heather Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 3:13 pm

    The 14 hours I’ve been here have been 14 hours closer to New York.

    You should be thanking Miami. (Or at least Key Biscayne).

  • Lanie J Says:
    April 5th, 2011 at 7:02 pm

    Does anybody here speak Cutty?

  • f'leigh Says:
    April 6th, 2011 at 6:28 pm

    Next time just speak LOUDLY AND SLOWLY in English, the adjusted tempo and volume automatically translates.

  • admin Says:
    April 7th, 2011 at 11:48 am

    @Lanie J: Ha HA!
    @f’leigh: I’ll totally try that one out; maybe next time I can get her to throw the coffee on me. :)

  • Leslie Says:
    April 8th, 2011 at 12:10 pm

    LOL, at least you know the important words in Spanish.

  • admin Says:
    April 8th, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    @ Leslie: I always learn the “important” words first!

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