Sagittarius Strikes Again
Since my anxiety meds have kicked in, I’ve started being more social, which in turn has led to me making some new friends. That means, there are all new people who are learning that being friends with Susan means that sometimes your feelings are going to get hurt.
Believe me, I hate it as much as anyone. And I very rarely intentionally do it. Most of the time, when I’m hearing the words come out of my mouth, there’s a voice inside my head screaming, “SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP,” but I never listen.
The problem is, I have a really hard time communicating in person. Writing is my forte and I can email a mother fucker all day long. Talking face to face or on the phone, I get tongue tied, I stutter and I end up just blurting things out, not realizing how they might sound aloud.
The simple fact is, I am a person who needs a couple of drafts to get my thoughts out right and you just don’t have that luxury when you’re talking. Plus, I’m a Sagittarius. Blunt is just what we do.
So, this one particular new friend, M, who I’m totally adoring, is in this long-distance, torturous love affair involving ex-girlfriends, a declaration of love in that “I know we’re meant to be, but it just can’t happen” way, and a lot of sadness and emotional trauma on M’s part. The other day, she was telling me how she is going to have to be in the same place as this guy in the near future.
M: Oh my God, it’s going to be awful.
S: I know. I can’t wait to hear what happens!
M: Seriously? I’m in emotional turmoil and you can’t wait to hear what happens?
S: It’s just like this story I’m watching, and I want to find out what happens in part two.
M: I don’t want to be your soap opera guinea pig.
S: Stumble, stumble, stutter, stutter. That’s not what I meant, it’s just that … stumble, stumble.
Sigh. I really didn’t mean it like that. What I meant was way deeper and if I had been allowed to write a blog post to her rather than have to chat, I could have explained how I take these super hard events in life as really good omens. An old life coach client of mine calls it, “The Breakdown Before the Breakthrough.” Her point was that whenever you have hideous experiences, things always make their way back to good.
When the shit goes down, you have a choice. You can get bitter or you can get better. (That’s right. Another alliterative catchphrase using the letter B.) My point is, you’re gonna go through hard stuff. It’s just a fact. So you might as well stop fighting against it and just go ahead and open up to the lessons you’re supposed to be learning. Find a way to think of emotional turmoil as a signal that good, fun stuff is right around the corner.
I know it sounds like I’m drinking the life coach Kool-Aid, but I really believe this stuff. And as a person who’s experienced her fair share of trauma, I assure you that it’s true.
February 21st, 2012 at 8:14 pm
…so I’m a mother fucker…the one and only time it’s taken as a compliment…