Where in the world is Sarah Vowell?
Sarah Vowell has been stolen and I am pissed. Mainly because I’ve been wanting to steal her myself and I missed my opportunity.
See those goofy pictures on the shelf in the background? Those are the official Brooklyn Superhero Supply Company employee slash volunteer slash student headshots. Everyone who becomes involved with the writing center at the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Company gets one. No matter whether you’re there on a field trip or as a volunteer or as a drop-in tutee, you get a headshot. But only if you put on the glasses. The glasses serve as a prop used to signify all-around smartypantsness. According to your mission at the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Company, your headshot serves different purposes. If you’re there for a writing workshop, it’s the Author’s Photo for your book. Participating in the sitcom writing field trip? Your headshot is put on your official Television Director business card. They’re really fun, and the kids hate them. At least initially.
As the photographer for a recent writing workshop, I met each student at the door. ”Hey! Welcome to the Brooklyn Superhero Supply Company! Today you’ll be writing and publishing a book so we’re going to need the need a shot for the book cover.” I’d hand them the glasses and have them sit down. Glasses in hand, they’d look into the camera and smile, waiting for the flash. “Awesome! You look great! Now, could I get you to put the glasses on?”
Being teenagers, the majority of them were horrified by the thought of looking stupid in front of their classmates. Reluctantly putting the glasses on, girls flashed their best Glamour Shot poses hoping to override the geekiness. Boys attempted to look tough while proclaiming how stupid the glasses were to make sure everyone knew they were way too cool to enjoy the goofiness.
It wasn’t until the headshots were printed out and being put onto their bookcovers that they liked them. Comments went from, “Man. Do I really have to wear these stupid glasses? They make me look retarded.” to, “Oh my god girl, you totally look like a writer!,” and, “Hey miss! Can I get one more picture?”
Over the years, various shots have been mounted to foamcore and displayed throughout the center. They’re mostly shots of the students, but here and there you’ll find photos of adults who have come through. Adults like Sarah Vowell.
Sarah Vowell was on the first display you pass after entering the center. Bottom left corner of the first shelf on the left. Every time I went in to the center, I checked on her. ”Hey Sarah!,” I’d think. Sometimes I’d even wink at the picture as if it were actually Sarah Vowell sitting there and not just a 2-D image from an HP Inkjet. (I would never actually wink at the real Sarah Vowell, but in my fantasies I like to pretend I’m super-confident — like Joey Tribbiani. ”Hey Sarah. How you doin’?” [wink]
Sarah Vowell made me crazy. I wanted to take her home but knew I couldn’t deny others the opportunity to flirt with her photo. Certainly I wasn’t the only person who had volunteered for 826 NYC just to get closer to the McSweeney’s crew. Yes. I enjoy helping the children and all that crap, but really, my main focus right now is volunteering enough time to warrant my attendance at the volunteers’ barbecue next month with Dave Eggers. So, when I kept my self from stealing Sarah Vowell, I was thinking of all the other volunteer/groupies who got the invitation to the Barbecue and thought, “Well, it’s about time this volunteer stuff paid off.”
I wanted Sarah Vowell so much. Often I contemplated the best way to sneak it out of the center. I thought of how I’d sit on the sofa underneath the shelf it was on, clumsily put on my coat and knock Sarah Vowell into my open bag. Or maybe I’d just come in early before the staff came upstairs from the publication dungeon and just take it. Then, last Monday I walked in for a tutoring session and when I turned to wink at Sarah Vowell, she was gone. The certain victim of some other geeky McSweeney’s groupie, Sarah Vowell in all her nerdy glory is missing. And my chance to steal a little piece of geek memorabilia is gone with her. All because I was trying to be a nice person.
Being nice is for suckers.
