You Will Love This
V and I went ice skating yesterday. Well, it was me, E (the lovah) and V (the niece). And things were going great. In fact, V offered, “We can go if you’re ready.”
Me: Let’s go around one more time.
V: Okay! Let’s go fast!
We took off and I lost my footing as soon as we hit the first turn.
You know, when you learn how to ice skate, one of the first things they teach you is how to fall down, which is basically just let it happen. People get injured worse from trying to stop themselves from falling than they would if they had just gone with it.
Unfortunately, I was never taught how to ice skate and when I felt myself hurling forward, I instinctively threw myself backward to try to correct the motion and ended up flat on my back in the middle of the ice.
A whistle sounded as scads of 8-year-olds were sliding into hockey stops all around me.
Kids en masse: Yo lady, you okay?
Me: Yeah. I think so. Oh my god. I don’t think so.
Super Helpful Kid: (Gets on his knees next to me, puts his face close to mine.) Hi lady. Let me help you up!
I knew that I had seriously damaged something but, SHK really, really wanted to help. He grabbed my right arm and pulled me up to a sort of Roman eating position where I was still pretty much splayed out on the ice, just propped up on my left elbow.
SHK: (Getting onto his feet for the big heave ho.) Come on, I can get you back on your skates. Ready?
Me: (Going dead weight to avoid having this child snap my potentially cracked spine.) Oh, it’s okay. I’m just to stay here for a minute.
At this point, the authorities who had been notified (read: 18-year-old skate rental guys) arrived. SHK who was still holding my arm up, was shooed away and one of the kids asked if I could get up. I told them that I could not.
18yoSRG: If you don’t get up by yourself, we’re going to have to get the wheelchair.
Me: Then get the wheelchair.
Oh. My. God.
I just got hit in the face with the Wii.
I am not kidding. I was sitting here typing and I just got smashed full-force in the forehead with the Wii controller.
I am bleeding.
To be continued …
